Sex, Lies, Poker Chips and Bubbles
by Elizabeth Bathory
Summary: Set during How Many More Chances... Boys will be boys when the girls are away and so many strange things can come out over a game of poker.
1. Poker Chips

Sex, Lies, Poker Chips and Bubbles

By Elizabeth Bathory

The sun was just setting into the Pacific Ocean in late June, giving the living room of the Stark mansion a pink glow just as it was about to become a den of testosterone for the duration of the weekend.

Pepper, Emma and Marina had taken Tony up on his offer for an all girls spa weekend at his expense. He was using it as an excuse for major guy time with Rhodey and Jamie. Tony had hoped for a little hand to hand aerial combat between Iron Man, War Machine and Iron Knight but that dream was quickly squashed for a few reasons. Reason number one was Pepper gave a strict list of "Pepper Approved Guy Activities," which included video games, cards and playing with the cars. Anything that involved the suits was off limits, especially going out in them, and she made sure Jarvis knew that. Reason number two was a variety of injuries which prevented comfortable donning of the suits. The injuries included but were not limited to – bruises, burns and scrapes, a black eye for one of them, sore ribs, pulled muscles and a broken hand. Since war games were out of the question, Tony opted for a no limit Texas Hold'em Tournament, an excellent game for strategic and mathematical analysis, perfect for three MIT graduates.

Rhodey had arrived with the necessary supplies of pizza, snacks, beer and soda balanced with his one good hand early in the evening and after three men were fully fed, hyped up on sugar and ripe for competition, the cards were dealt out.

As the first hand was being dealt and the chips were being put in the pot, Rhodey raised a question. "Tony? Are we playing for actual money here or not?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Tony shrugged.

"Well because some of us are billionaires and some of us work for the government." Rhodey commented. "And if we are playing for your money…I am going to take as much of it as possible since I owe you for my hand here."

"Fine fine…ones, fives, and tens…happy?" Tony conceded as he and Jamie threw their wallets on the table next to the chips. "And I did not break your hand. I told you that thing was heavy. You just had a bad grip."

"Thank you for the concession. I don't feel like losing my entire 401K." Rhodey stated. "And you distracted me and made me drop it, thus you broke my hand."

"That could be a lot bigger if you would finally agree to work for me. Stark Industries pays very well." Tony said with a smirk as he checked his cards. "And no I did not."

"I do have to back him up on that one. I make nearly triple what NASA paid me now." Jamie stated.

"You're his son. You don't think there was a little nepotism involved there?" Rhodey said dryly as he checked his cards and anted up.

"No, I didn't play favorites at all." Tony admitted. "He has the same starting salary as anyone else in his position. I didn't pad Emma's either when I hired her." He added as he threw his chips in and dealt out the flop.

"You're serious about that? I have heard crap that you doubled and tripled theirs." Rhodey exclaimed as he threw in his bet.

"All lies. They have to work for it just as I did." Tony scoffed as he threw in his bet.

"No free rides here. He'll fire me just as much as anyone else who doesn't produce." Jamie said as he tossed in his chips.

"My father would have done the same." Tony added as he set down the Turn card.

"Tony, your father would not have fired you. Employing you was the only way he could keep you from blowing things up." Rhodey laughed as he threw his chips in.

"So he paid me to make things that blew up. And I never blew anything up on purpose…only if I got distracted." Tony said in his own defense as he threw in his chips.

"You mean by something female and in something small and cute?" Jamie chimed in as he added is bet.

"Watch it smart ass. I have seen you get whiplash when girls walk by." Tony stated as he added his bet and threw down the River.

"Learned from the best, Dad. Turn on the Stark charm and the ladies just come like butterflies to a flame. Jamie said smoothly.

"Don't you mean moths?" Rhodey corrected as he threw in his bet.

"Nope…butterflies. Moths are too ugly of a comparison to what I am referring to." Jamie stated as he added his bet.

"And what exactly are you referring to?" Rhodey asked as he claimed his winnings from his straight.

"I am referring to some of the most beautiful creatures on this planet." Jamie stated as Rhodey started dealing. "The girls I am talking about have more curves than the Road to Hana, you can bounce a quarter off their ass, the right words will make them putty in your hands and when you get them in bed you hope to God that the stories you have heard about them are true." He said with a smirk. "Speaking of stories…I have heard a few good ones about you, Dad."

"This should be good. I thought I knew all of them." Rhodey commented.

"So did I…" Tony said as he looked a little puzzled. "What have they been telling you in the dungeons there?"

Jamie laughed as he took a drink from the can of Coke he had next to him. "That Emma and I were conceived on the desk in your office." He said with a smirk.

Tony nearly did a spit take when he heard that. Yes he and Pepper had quite a bit of fun in his office with the door locked but he didn't think anyone knew about it. "That's not entirely accurate," Tony stated as he regained his smooth exterior. "You two were actually conceived over a game of Monopoly." He admitted.

Rhodey and Jamie both shared the same stunned and interested look on their faces.

"Okay, this one I didn't know." Rhodey admitted. "I figured they were honeymoon kids."

"Extended honeymoon…" Tony said with a smirk. "I was playing Monopoly with Jarvis on the computer during a rather brutal heat wave. He cheated and won so I challenged him to a rematch but with Pepper as well. Since I am not in Real Estate by trade, I made things a bit more interesting and…one plus one equals four."

"Tony, that has to be one of the oddest times that you some how managed to get laid during." Rhodey stated.

"Odd time maybe but not oddest place," Tony laughed.

"With Mom or before Mom?" Jamie inquired.

"Before…"

"Does Pepper actually know about this or will her finding out cause your imminent demise?" Rhodey asked.

"I don't think she knows about it but there are probably pictures on some tabloid somewhere." Tony stated.

"Ok…this I have to hear because I was sure Pepper knew you inside and out by now." Rhodey said as he leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms in front of him.

"New York…in a glass elevator from the Penthouse down to the lobby." Tony said. "A leggy brunette that wanted a quickie."

"So that was why your bare ass landed on the front page of the _Enquirer_? " Rhodey laughed.

"Ok…your turn Rhodey," Jamie said as he turned. "Oddest place and oddest reason."

Rhodey took a long swig from his beer. "Well with your dad bringing in all the 'butterflies,' it was tough on the rest of us around him to get a girl." He states, trying to avoid the question.

Tony laughed. "Come on, you've had your fair share of women, even with me around so don't try to weasel out of this or I'll tell him about Spring Break '87 and what was her name again…Ivan?"

"Will you quit with that? You know damn well it did not happen like that." Rhodey spat back.

"I know what truly happened. You, my friend, were the one who was too drunk to remember." Tony said with a smirk. "I think it is your turn to tell a tale."

Rhodey sighed and took another swig from his beer. "Well I guess oddest place and oddest reason are kind of tied together," he started. "It was sort of an initiation for all rookie officers in the Air Force when I joined. The senior officers dragged all of us out to a bar, picked out a girl and said we had to bring back her panties. Method of procurement was our choice as long as we didn't end up in jail." He said. "So, I went over to the girl, slipped a few of the tricks I picked up from your Dad and then we ended up in the pilot's seat of my jet. The next morning, her black silk panties were tacked to the wall with the rest of them."

"You did it in a plane?" Tony repeated. "How was it?"

"Great when you want her to straddle you but the controls always get you in the ass any other way." Rhodey laughed before turning to Jamie. "Ok…you brought this up, kid and now it's your turn."

Jamie smirked as he popped a few chips with salsa into his mouth. "Well, oddest place and oddest reason go hand and hand again." He started. "I had just gotten to Florida and I was in one of the Cocoa Beach bars shooting my mouth off on how I could get any girl and any time and score with her any where. So, a few of the others there threw their money on the bar and picked out a somewhat shy looking girl that was sitting with her friends at a booth in the corner. I matched their bet on the bar and walked over to her.

"At first, she was about to slap me until I told her that I would split the 500 dollars on the bar with her and make sure she enjoyed herself. She warmed up to the idea a bit and allowed me to take her hand. Now, this bar had a separate room with a pool table in back. I took her back there and shut the door just enough to have some privacy but open enough to prove I wasn't lying. As soon as the door was closed, that shy little thing turned into a very hungry vixen. We barely had enough time to get my fly down before she had me bend her backwards over the pool table. By the time we were done, she had screamed my name at the top of her lungs three times, was running wet as a river and taking her 250 and shoving it into her bra and my half into my pocket where she said good bye in a rather enjoyable manner."

"You did that for 500 bucks?" Tony asked.

"Eight ball…corner pocket." Jamie said as he made a popping sound with his mouth. "I would have made it a 1000 but the rest of them couldn't cover it."

At the end of Jamie's tale, Rhodey just had to laugh. "I find it amazing that the two of you chased every bit of skirt there was and then both landed two very strong and independent women."

"And we are better for it," Tony and Jamie said at the same time, cutting Rhodey off.

"I just still wonder how you pulled it off." Rhodey added in.

Tony just smiled as he leaned back in his chair. "Stark charm always works."


	2. Bubbles

Sitting in the naturally-heated, lithium-rich mineral springs water of the grotto pools of the exclusive Two Bunch Palms Resort and Spa just south of Palm Springs with tall glasses of fruit juice under the southern California sun, Pepper, Emma and Marina were totally at peace after two days of pampering with massages, facials, manicure and pedicure as well as any other restorative treatment they could get their hands on.

"Mom, I have never seen you so relaxed at one of these spa weekends. You usually relax but there is always something that keeps you on edge. It seems gone this time." Emma commented as she sipped from her fruit punch at Pepper's peaceful state resting against the edge of the pool.

"I'll have to agree with Emma, Mrs. Stark. You seem positively serene." Marina added.

Pepper sighed contentedly and laughed as she sat up a bit and took a sip from her drink. "Well, thanks to very efficient and specific Tony-proofing, I have absolutely nothing to worry about." She said confidently.

"Tony-proofing?" Emma and Marina repeated.

Pepper just laughed again. "I gave the boys a list of approved and unapproved activities that they could and could not do and with Jarvis' help, I am certain that I won't be having my relaxing time interrupted by a ringing cell phone or unwanted news coverage." She explained. "It wasn't always like this. To try to get away, I used to have to do a whole lot more or face the consequences."

"What sort of consequences, Mom?" Emma asked, having a general idea on what she was talking about but not entirely.

"Well…" Pepper said with a well deserved smirk. "If I didn't make sure he had nothing going on before I would leave, he would have surely missed everything to find pleasurable company with something young, female and cute." She explained. "Though one time, he wasn't quite as suave as you may have heard."

"Are you saying you have rather juicy dirt on Dad?" Emma asked, now very curious.

"Emma, I have so much dirt on your father, it could fill a football stadium." Pepper said with a laugh. "But one incident sticks out as the top among the rest."

"Now, this definitely sounds good. Probably so much better than the crap I heard spun around the office." Emma exclaimed. "Deal the dish, Mom."

"Now, if I tell you this, it goes no further than the three of us since I swore to your father that I would never tell another living soul about what happened." Pepper warned.

"We promise." Marina stated.

"Lips are sealed." Emma added as she raised her right hand to swear by.

"Very well. I had to learn to expect the unexpected of any degree when your father hired me as his Personal Assistant and shortly after I started working for him, I caught him in one of the worst possible things he could have been doing. He had told me earlier in the day that he had plans for the evening. I did not totally know that his version of plans meant identical twin Playboy centerfolds aptly named Good and Evil.

"I had brought back groceries for him and stocked his pantry before calling it a night when I heard a few odd noises in the mansion. Now, I had thought I was alone so I went to investigate. As soon as I got within sight of his bedroom, I saw far more than I actually wanted to see. Tony was on the bed with the twins in what can only be described as an advanced state of foreplay. Not a scrap of clothing among the three of them. Tony had his mouth on the breasts of one and his hands exploring the other while the two girls worked their magic on him with one hand from each bringing him to full attention. I quickly excused myself so I did not hear exactly how he put his foot in his mouth but I did hear the yelp of pain he let out before the door slammed. I came out of my office, fully prepared to resign if he wished it, to find Tony sitting on the couch in a pair of flannel pajama pants with an ice pack between his legs, a kitchen towel up to his nose and a scotch on the rocks in his hand which he was sipping from and using to stop the pain by his eye. Apparently, Good had landed a right hook with a big ring to his face and gave him a decent bruise with a scratch down the middle and Evil landed a hard knee right to the family jewels and then proceeded to give him the bloody nose as well. Needless to say, he did not live up to his playboy reputation that night when two centerfolds beat the snot out of him."

Emma and Marina burst out laughing and genuinely could not help it once that story came out.

"I have heard so many stories about how suave Dad was and how he could have ten girls at one time if he wanted but that was priceless." Emma laughed. "But if you think Dad was bad, I have something just as bad on Jamie."

"What sort of dirt do you have on Jamie?" Marina asked cautiously.

"You do know what he was like with girls before you, right?" Emma asked seriously before she continued.

"Yes, like father like son." Marina deadpanned. "I have heard the stories from quite a few sources."

"Well, I just wanted to prepare you if you didn't know." Emma stated. "This goes back to just after Dad gave him the suit. Dad warned him that extensive use of the suit can be exhausting but Jamie didn't listen. He just brushed it off that Dad didn't have the stamina that he did because he was older. So, while out on a mission with Dad and Uncle Rhodey, one of his little bunnies called him up and wanted to meet up that night. So he said sure and told her to be at the mansion around nine for a little fun.

"The girl shows up right on schedule and I tell her that Jamie is waiting for her upstairs in his room. Apparently, this was a repeater since she knew where to go. Not more than half an hour later, the bunny comes back downstairs in a full snit and ready to storm out the door. This sparked my curiosity a bit so I put my book down and asked her what was wrong. She told me that just as they were getting into the fun stuff, Jamie fell dead asleep with snoring and drooling right on top of her. No matter how much she nudged him or played with him, she could not get him to wake up. She then told me to make sure that Jamie burned her number because she was never coming back."

Marina had to fight back a snicker at the comment especially since she knew Jamie's reputation in the bedroom from first hand experience.

"Does your brother know you know this?" Pepper asked as she tried desperately not to laugh.

"Probably not. He just thinks he woke up alone that morning because his bunny had an early appointment that she couldn't miss." Emma said as she tried to stifle her laughter.

"So that's what you told him." Pepper exclaimed. "I was wondering where he came up with such a weak story."

"Okay, I get Mr. Stark and I get Jamie but isn't there usually a third conspirator when they get together?" Marina brought up.

Pepper and Emma just looked at each other with a smile. "Rhodey." They said in unison.

"Okay, this has to be good if you both know about it." Marina commented.

"Emma only knows because I told her about it. This story happened a few years before she was born." Pepper stated. "It would have been a better story if the aftermath hadn't happened."

"The aftermath?" Marina asked.

"This was the trip that my Dad was kidnapped for three months." Emma interjected solemnly.

Pepper took a deep breath to push that terrible memory back out of her head. "Anyway…I heard this from the flight attendants on Tony's private jet. I usually just brushed off what they said for the most part but this time something stuck out. The girls usually bragged about being in the Mile High Club with Tony but one of them mentioned 'the Colonel' and that caught my attention so I eavesdropped a little bit. They first mentioned 'the drunk one' and I thought they meant Tony and then one clarified that it was Rhodey instead and paid attention. Apparently, one of the girls was doing some heavy flirting or teasing, whichever you want to call it and Rhodey was so drunk that he could not perform at all and ended up passing out on her just when she was trying to make it good. The next morning, he was suffering from an extreme hangover and the girl never brought it up again."

"I guess they never had that complaint with Dad." Emma said through her laughter.

"No but once he and I became a couple, those girls got bored and I had to hire all new ones to replace them."

Hours later, Pepper, Emma and Marina were dropped off to a dark and very quiet mansion. Pepper told Marina she could stay for the night instead of going back to her small apartment so late.

As the girls headed up to bed, Pepper took stock of what potential damage there could be from leaving Tony, Jamie and Rhodey alone for three days. She scanned the living room and smiled. Aside from James Rhodes passed out and snoring on the couch, everything seemed to be in order. With that assurance, Pepper went upstairs.

Without turning on the light, Pepper slipped into something referred to as small and cute and lots of fun to take off before she slipped into bed next to her sleeping husband.

Tony stirred with the slight shift of the bed and the soft scent of Pepper's perfume roused him just enough to spoon up next to her. "Have I mentioned how much I like it when you return from the spa?" he murmured sleepily as he nuzzled at her neck.

"You might have before but you may need to prove it to me again," Pepper teased as she turned on her other side so she was facing Tony.

"If I must…" Tony sighed playfully. Within seconds, Tony's shorts got kicked to the edge of the bed and Pepper's negligee was in a small ball on the night stand and Tony proved how much he liked it when Pepper came back until dawn started to pink the horizon.


End file.
